You're reading the special April Fools' Day, 2008, edition of The Watcher.

A major divide between the House and Senate budget resolutions — whether or not a $70 billion Alternative Minimum Tax "patch" should be offset with other revenue increases or spending cuts — may be bridged by week's end. An April 1 Congressional Budget Office scoring of Senate Finance Committee Chair Kent Conrad's (D-ND) plan to utilize "alternative revenue methods" may break the congressional logjam. Conrad's measure would allow federal agencies to partially fund their operations through either bake sales or the auctioning off of surplus agency assets through the Internet auction site eBay. "Schools all across the nation do it, so it just makes sense that the federal government avail itself of these taxpayer-friendly revenue enhancers," said Conrad before returning his attention to icing cupcakes.